we have officially lost it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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