Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
