"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hippo gnu deer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
