I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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