I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
