so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My life is pants optional.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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