she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
