found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
