Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
