I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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