There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize