Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
