that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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