you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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