My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize