I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
