Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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