Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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