I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is wine microwaveable?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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