my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Vodka?
Forever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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