I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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