Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
