I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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