hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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