Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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