Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
