I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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