So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
