Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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