i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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