Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize