ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
