there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
