apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
