I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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