Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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