And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
