ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
