capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
