i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
