i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
