Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
