my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
