he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
