gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
