What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
