my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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