He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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