There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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