hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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