This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
