You smell like stripper and shame
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
