Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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