I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
