I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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