he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
