Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
