Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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