my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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