I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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