I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize