planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
