Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
