Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
