so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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