she was so not down for the gang bang
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
